Savor life, be joyful, and wear sturdy walking shoes.

Life's funny...

It's taken me months (maybe probably longer) to make the decision to sign up for this LiveJournal. It took me almost a full day of tinkering to browse the basic system and set up (generally) how I want it (for now). And almost three full days later, I still haven't posted an actual entry.

I realize now, I've been struggling:

To get up the courage to write something, anything.

To express whatever I'm thinking or feeling, post it and have those words laid out as part of a semi-permanent page out there in the online universe, knowing I can't take it back. (Well, unless the 'edit' feature is available for old posts, heh.)

To stop second-guessing myself, out of fear that what I wrote sounds stupid or lame, or that it's not worded quite right. That no one will understand what the hell I'm talking about.

To stop tinkering and rewriting every line, in some ridiculous attempt to make everything 'perfect.'

To acknowledge there's no such thing.

To realize that every minute spent waiting for it all to fall into place or feel 'just right' is one more moment not spent living life fully.

*******

Enough.

Enough wandering about and wishing for a life, as if it will happen upon me someday and adopt me into it, instead of me actively seeking it out and pulling to me what makes me joyful and what makes me savor life. Marveling at the rugged yet challenging path and the multitude of choices before me. Relishing the journey itself.

Passage: the act or process of moving forward.

That's what I want. Positive, forward motion. Moving, acting, being, doing. Having fun exploring and learning.

I'm not going to apologize for occasionally getting all philosophical and cheesy. I've spent my life taking baby steps, too terrified of breaking the rules or losing people's approval to actually make up my own mind and take charge of my own life in a bigger, more fantastic way.

"I am not gonna sit on my ass
as the events that affect me
unfold to determine the course of my life."

~ Cameron Frye, Ferris Bueller's Day Off


I know I'll probably wake up tomorrow morning and cringe, already itching to take everything back, erase this message, start again. Be cooler, more witty, whatever.

Ah, f*** it. It's time to take some gigantic wonderful kick-ass leaps.

As I sit here at my computer, I take a deep breath... and click 'Okay.'

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...
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All right, all right. I know I actually click 'Post to sinkwriter,' but I was speaking metaphorically, okay? *GRIN*

Here I go.