Passages

Feeling a bit introspective tonight (as seems to happen most New Year's Eves), so I looked back at my LiveJournal for the past year. I only posted three times. Even though this place has changed so much and most have dropped out of the arena, that number feels kind of sad to me. So I'm going to try to post a little more, even if it's only to myself, or for myself as some sort of record. It's not going to be a lot, because I've already got a lot on my plate right now, but I'm going to do what I can.

In that spirit, here's a lovely quote from writer Neil Gaiman on the subject of New Year's Eve and looking ahead to the new year...

"Be kind to yourself in the year ahead.

Remember to forgive yourself, and to forgive others. It's too easy to be outraged these days, so much harder to change things, to reach out, to understand.

Try to make your time matter: minutes and hours and days and weeks can blow away like dead leaves, with nothing to show but time you spent not quite ever doing things, or time you spent waiting to begin.

Meet new people and talk to them. Make new things and show them to people who might enjoy them.

Hug too much. Smile too much. And, when you can, love."

I wish that for all of you out there, just putting it out there into the universe. Happy New Year, everyone. :)

It's snowing out there so I stayed in and watched a movie tonight, and (even though sometimes I forget) I'm reminded once again how much joy a good story brings me. Something engaging, funny, thought-provoking, suspenseful or just plain entertaining - whether it's coming from a book, a television program or a movie, it transports me and invigorates my mind. It injects me with energy.

And most importantly, it makes me feel like almost anything is possible.

In a time like this, when the country is so brutally divided, when people can be so unkind and disrespectful to one another, I need to believe that good things are possible in this world. I need it.

If anyone's still out there... what are your favorite go-to books, movies or TV shows that uplift you or energize you or make you laugh and make you think? What brings you the most joy?

P.S. Completely random side-note: I baked zucchini bread tonight, and it was gooooood. ;)

I had a super busy month, finally got caught up on all my web design work, yet for some stupid reason I can't give myself permission to relax and simply enjoy the weekend in whatever way I want?

WTF is wrong with me??

I even worked on a website yesterday afternoon, even though it could have waited until Monday. And today, my brain keeps saying, "You should really sort through and re-organize the folders on your desktop. You should really go through that giant box of photographs from decades ago and finally decide which ones to keep, which ones to display, which ones to toss because they're blurry and pointless, etc., so you can get that box out of your living room. You should really clean up that pile of papers on your desk. You should really clean your apartment. You should really get some exercise, maybe go for a walk (even though you have a blister on your heel from the last long walk you took and right now it seriously hurts to put on your shoes). You should really..."

ARGHHHHHHHHH!

Why can't I allow myself one weekend, or hell, just one DAY to do whatever I feel like, even if it's not Super Responsible Adult or Super Productive? Why can't I just take the afternoon to read a book? Or watch a movie marathon? Or go sit in a coffee shop and drink cocoa and people-watch? Or any number of things that have no real point to them but are just... fun?

When did I stop knowing how to do stuff for the sake of FUN?

You know how there's such a VAST amount of fanfiction out there? Some good, some bad, some really really ugly?

And how some are just complete and shiny jewels that speak to you above all else, and you feel like, "Ah, at last I've found you"? And you make sure to bookmark this new favorite author because you love their style and what they have to say about the characters and because you don't want to miss a single new story?

There's just something sad about what happens when a show ends. Everyone's writings and commentaries for the show start to peter out, and then (sometimes) it stops completely.

But what's really sad is when your favorite authors move on to new fandoms... but it's not a fandom you're into so you don't get to read their awesome writings anymore, unless they start up in a fandom you also connect with.

A writer (whose work I enjoyed) just switched to a new fandom that I don't watch. Bummer!

That is all.

:)

Crazy day - about to head off to my aunts' house for the day - but I wanted to pop in for a second and wish everyone a giant Happy Thanksgiving!

Wherever you are today, whatever you're doing, I hope you know I'm thankful for you.

♥

Have a wonderful day.

xoxo

What do I wish for 2015?

To let go of dark "stuff" from past years, anything hard or negative or ugly that depresses and clouds my heart and my mind. To let go of my mistakes (and anyone else's whose actions might have hurt me) and embrace the understanding that no one is perfect and that's okay. I hate to echo that Frozen movie (which I've never seen, by the way) because I know it's been quoted to death but I really do want to learn to "let it go" in a way I haven't been able to before.

To take strong action to bring more positivity into my life, starting with myself, my thoughts, my daily behaviors, anything to feel more joy. (Cue "Let The Sunshine In," in all its marvelous hippy glory, LOL.)

To take better care of myself: body, mind, creative soul, finances, even building a peaceful "room of my own" and space of my own around me. Hell, to take care of myself at all, which I don't think I've done a very good job of and need to do NOW. And to have that become a conscious process I honor each day.

To bring back creativity in my life, in whatever forms. Writing, singing, taking photographs, building websites, all of it, I want to do it. :)

To be more open again, to connect with others and not be afraid to do it.

To simply live life and enjoy it more.

And I hope all the same and more for each and every one of you. May 2015 bring you better health, stronger success, more joy and especially more love, in whatever ways that mean something special to you.

Kaylee: How come you don't care where you're going?
Book: 'Cause how you get there is the worthier part.
~ "Out of Gas," Firefly

30 minutes to midnight here...

Happy Happy Happiest New Year, everyone! ♥

I've been reading this book entitled The Things That Matter, written by interior designer Nate Berkus. I'm finding it fascinating, funny, and in some parts, quite moving. This is not a "how to" book of home design, there are no rules or tips to follow. Instead, it's all about the things we own that make up who we are.

So many out there say that we aren't our things, that things shouldn't matter, and maybe on some level that's true. We could probably all stand to pare down a bit. But what Nate talks about in his book is also true: some things, maybe not all things, but some important things that we amass over our lifetime tell our stories.

As a blurb about the book says, "they reflect the places we've been and the people we've loved along the way..." A favorite book with an inscription from a friend in the opening page, a ticket stub from a concert, a cherished teacup that was once part of a great-grandmother's set brought all the way to North America from Europe during World War II, a pillow from your childhood that goes with you no matter how many times you move and is the first thing you make sure to unpack. Whatever the cherished item, in putting together a real home for ourselves we should take the things that matter most to us and find a way to highlight them rather than box them away for 'someday.'

( What this means to me... )

 

"Always remember
you are BRAVER than you believe
STRONGER than you seem
and SMARTER than you think."
~ A.A. Milne

Tomorrow is Graduation Day.

Almost exactly 20 years to the day that I first graduated from college, I will be receiving a new degree.

Look! I even have a cap and gown and everything! (Still in its packaging. I better go iron that thing for tomorrow. LOL.)

If I may take a moment to toot my own horn, so to speak... I also got an "Outstanding Scholar Award" certificate from my school. Whoo! ;)

Seriously though, this has been a bit surreal. I wasn't even going to attend the ceremony because I technically graduated almost 6 months ago, when I completed my course load back in December. But my very dear, supportive sister talked me into it. She said, "It's closure! You have to go! And we'll come and cheer you on! Get excited!"

So here I am, on the eve before my graduation, feeling a little prouder than I thought I would be, a little more excited than I thought I would be, and grateful that she talked me into 'taking a moment' to acknowledge the conclusion of over 3 years of effort. To acknowledge this brief moment in time and savor the accomplishment.

Of course, I don't need to keep going to school in order to keep learning. I hope I'll always have an open mind to absorb as much knowledge as I can, and open eyes to notice everything around me that holds magic and mystery.

On to the next fork in the never-ending path ahead of me! Thank you for your company on this journey so far.

♥

And now for big news...

I'M DONE WITH SCHOOOOOOOOOOOL!

Can you believe it??

Seems like forever ago I came here and posted about taking my very first class, and about how nervous I was going back to school after so long away from that kind of environment. I thought this day would never come. I agonized over it, and worried that I wouldn't be able to handle the coursework, especially not being a graphic artist.

I'm still no expert, will always have lots to learn and hone, but at long last I am done with school!

This feels so surreal, I'm not even sure what to do with myself. LOL. *GRIN*

Obviously, I have to find a job, but beyond that I'm just so happy to have a part of my life back. After 3 1/2 years of non-stop studying, homework, tests and projects, I will have some actual free time in my schedule, time that I can devote to so many different options.

• There are some stories I've wanted time to finish -- I could get back to writing.



• I've thought about joining a choir or finding an outlet for singing of some sort.



• I have a stack of books to read, novels and biographies and books that I've received as birthday and Xmas gifts that are just waiting to be opened and poured over.



• I'd like to experiment with some computer art Photoshop and Illustrator tutorials to practice my skills and have some fun trying to recreate their final products. Given how much I hated Photoshop in the beginning, that statement alone is pretty damn huge. :D



• I'd like to create a fun website as a home for my writings (both personal and fanfiction), and other creative works. This is actually something I worked on as an assignment during one of my very first web design classes, but now that I know how to do a lot more, I'd like to rework the design.



• I want to get back to my workouts and focus harder on losing the weight I'd like to lose, a project which had been pushed to the wayside for a while now because I had too much on my proverbial plate and that kind of endeavor needed more focus than I had time or energy to devote.



• I'd also like to relax a bit, maybe watch some movies, allow myself to do 'nothing.'



• And of course I want to spend some time here, catching up with everyone and re-engaging with my friends online and off.

It's almost overwhelming. I've spent so much time these past few years having to be so structured with my time and energy. I'm not sure I know how to turn off that mindset and allow myself to 'go with the flow' for a while.

Plus, I'll be going from a ton of structure in my life to almost none, so it's going to be tough to find a new balance, where I'm not forcing myself to GO GO GO all the time because that's what I'm used to, and instead allow myself to relax a bit more often... but at the same time not completely fall apart with no structure, you know what I mean? It's going to be an interesting challenge, to find that new balance.

Nevertheless, I'm just so happy to be done with school. Honestly, I'm not sure it's sunk in yet. Of course, grades aren't posted yet, and I doubt the school will send me a diploma before the holidays, so nothing's completely official yet. But I have finished my final class day and my homework's all been submitted, all tests taken, so there's nothing left for me to do in this arena.

I'm DONE! And I worked really hard to get to this day, so -- as I instructed a friend of mine who also just finished her degree -- I'm taking a moment to savor the accomplishment.

Thank you all for being SO supportive over these past years, as I struggled and learned and complained and whined and cursed and laughed and worked to get all this done. I'm truly grateful.

♥ ♥ ♥

Guess what I just got in the mail from my school?

A form stating the following:

"Yes, should you successfully complete your current course(s) and requirements, you will graduate at the end of this semester, December 2013."

\o/

Whoo!

Seven more weeks and (one hopes) decent grades on my projects and tests, and I will be a college graduate. Again. Almost 20 years after I attained my first degree. *headdesk*

But hey, graduation! It is looming. YAY!

P.S. My degree will be an Associate in Applied Science: Digital Media and Design, with a specialty in Web Development and Interactive Design. Wow. That's a mouthful. My first degree was so much easier to say. (Bachelor of Music. Bam. There you go. LOL.)