One Is The Loneliest Number

[sinkwriter]

It's my birthday today, and I'm feeling a little depressed this afternoon.

Not because of the number. I don't care about that.

It's just...

I'm lonely. And my life is not anywhere I want it to be. And that makes me sad.

I'm not sure what to do about that.

Comments

[antinous-wild.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Something about birthdays always makes you feel down, I think. They come loaded with expectations, but . . . really, they're just another day.

Nevertheless, you are an AMAZING person -- you're smart, you're so sweet, and you make anyone who knows you better for it -- so here's me hoping that your day gets a little better. Happy birthday ♥.

[seagray.livejournal.com]

Aww, I wish you weren't feeling so low. Seems like birthdays prod us into too much introspection and self-judgment; no wonder so many of us find them depressing. :) You sound like you're being much too hard on yourself. Hope you do something really nice and thoroughly enjoyable for yourself today!

[bardsmaid.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday, Sherry! :::hugs:::

[siapom.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Sometimes you just have to keep in mind that the next year is full of possibilities.

But, if you need to chat, let me know. I think I know at least somewhat how you're feeling. *hugs again for good measure*

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Tammy! *HUGS* And thank you for the private birthday emails. They were so sweet and made me smile.

Sometimes you just have to keep in mind that the next year is full of possibilities.

*nods* I feel like I go in stages, or up and down like on a roller coaster. One day (or hour) I feel positive and forward-facing, the next day (or hour or minute) I feel anxious and scattered and like everything is a mess and my life is uncertain and I'm all WTF is up with my life?! *GRIN* But I am trying to be positive and not stress about it all so much. It's just hard, I think, on a day like today because it's a marker of another year gone and another year where I'm not in a place where I expected to be or want to be and I feel disappointed in myself and the progress of my life. *sigh* Do you know what I mean?

*hugs again*

P.S. Your user pic pushed me over the edge. I am finally going to start watching episodes of Fringe and see what that show is all about. I'm currently downloading the pilot episode. ;) Just so you know, it's your fault. LOL.

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Susan! *HUGS back repeatedly*

:)

P.S. Krycek says hi. He's hanging out here with me until he decides when he's ready to talk to you about his chaotic life story again. He's a little stressed out right now. But you know that. You're writing his back story. He's on a downward slope and it's not lookin' good! ;D

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Courtney. :)

*hugs*

Ordinarily birthdays don't trouble me, but I think I'm just feeling very weary of the state of my life right now, and 'another year gone' marker like today only serves to remind me of that, so... today I have ennui. ;)

But a message from you makes me feel a little bit better. I hope you are wonderful and well! xoxo

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

*HUGS back* Thank you for your words, Molly! You made me feel much better.

It's weird... birthdays don't usually trouble me whatsoever. But with being out of work and feeling unhappy about myself, my body, and my life right now, having a birthday reminds me that another year has come and gone and not enough has changed for the positive. You know what I mean? I'm tired of feeling uncertain about the direction of my life and tired of feeling lack of confidence in my abilities and my overall self. I've not been feeling very good about myself lately, and it's starting to weigh on me, I think. This is just one of those days where I look at myself and say, "I am so f***ed up." I don't feel that way every day, but every once in a while the feeling is very sharp and painful.

:(

I'm working on it. *sigh*

Again, though, thank you so much for your message. It filled my heart, it really did. ♥ I hope your recent birthday was a good one, as well.

P.S. Unusual choice for a user pic! Are you in a Harry Potter sort of mood? I'm really looking forward to the new movie this November.

[siapom.livejournal.com]

it's a marker of another year gone and another year where I'm not in a place where I expected to be or want to be and I feel disappointed in myself and the progress of my life.

Give me a few months and this will describe my outlook on life. (That's my "I'm going to be mopey and bitchy before my own birthday" warning. fyi.) The past few years, especially, my birthday has had that effect on me, so I totally understand where you're coming from. And I hate it. I know it's coming. I don't really mind getting older. But... The "what if's" and "why's" are killer. So... How about we give each other gentle reminders of the silver lining, huh? *hugs*

And, you're welcome for the b-day wishes. It is after all a day of celebration! So, celebrate we all shall. :D

Yay for FRINGE watching! (And seriously awesome Peter/Olivia moments!) You're gonna love it. It's twisty and dark and sweet and heart-wrenching and funny and angsty and... Gah. So full of tv goodness. :)

eta: Now if I can get you to watch In Plain Sight. THEN I'd be a truly happy fangirl. :D

[riddledfate.livejournal.com]

*hugs Sherry* Happy birthday, bb! I had no idea it was your birthday or I'd have made something for you ♥

I totally get what you mean about being in a place in life that you don't like, or being sad about being somewhere that you didn't expect to be at a certain age. Let's hope this new year brings you lots of opportunities to change that though :) *more hugs*

♥

[krazykitkat.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday, Hon.

And I understand how you feel. {{much love}}

[leucocrystal]

*big hugs* I think we can all understand, at least to some degree, how you're feeling today.

And dammit, I was really hoping I'd have a chance to fire off a message to you on the actual day (it's after midnight now, alas) wishing you a happy birthday! Stupid work, getting in the way of my life all the damn time.

Anyway, I'm not often lonely, but it does hit me from time to time, and I don't know what to do about it either. And I'm definitely not where I imagined I'd be in life at this point, and still not even sure where I want to be, which is just confusing and frustrating. So... at least you're not alone in all that? Heh, not much help, I know, but we can all hang around in our frustrated, confusing corners together. <3

[bardsmaid.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the P.S. That sounds really tempting to dive into.

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

:)

I wish I could get the muses to come visit you, but they're not talking to me either. *HUGS*

Are you online right now? I'm trying to IM you about that domain thing.

[lorelei633.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

I know how you feel. I'm thinking of you and hoping this next year is wonderful, because you deserve it.

And happy birthday. <3