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Such a melancholy baby...
Jun. 26th, 2013 10:06 pmReally missing ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bardsmaid tonight.
When you connect with a person really well, and that person becomes one of your best, most wonderful friends, you come to rely on them, their opinions, their insights, their perspective, and so many other things. You trust them wholeheartedly. You enjoy discussing all sorts of things and cherish the conversations.
Without that friendship, I find myself wanting to find a new one, to take the place of that hole in my heart and my life.
But as I try to connect with new people, the thing I realize over and over is... there is no replacement for that friendship. No one can be exactly like Susan.
That is both wonderful (she was unique and therefore special) and devastating (I feel that loss and wonder if I'll ever find anyone else who will 'get' me as a person and be a friend I can trust wholeheartedly and connect with so well). Sometimes I wonder if I will always feel like some black sheep weirdo destined to be alone in life, wandering aimlessly, trying to find kindred souls. And that depresses me, too.
I just miss that camaraderie, that understanding, where I didn't feel misunderstood or left out. But I can't force new relationships. It's just not the same, and I can't make it be that way.
:(
bardsmaid tonight.When you connect with a person really well, and that person becomes one of your best, most wonderful friends, you come to rely on them, their opinions, their insights, their perspective, and so many other things. You trust them wholeheartedly. You enjoy discussing all sorts of things and cherish the conversations.
Without that friendship, I find myself wanting to find a new one, to take the place of that hole in my heart and my life.
But as I try to connect with new people, the thing I realize over and over is... there is no replacement for that friendship. No one can be exactly like Susan.
That is both wonderful (she was unique and therefore special) and devastating (I feel that loss and wonder if I'll ever find anyone else who will 'get' me as a person and be a friend I can trust wholeheartedly and connect with so well). Sometimes I wonder if I will always feel like some black sheep weirdo destined to be alone in life, wandering aimlessly, trying to find kindred souls. And that depresses me, too.
I just miss that camaraderie, that understanding, where I didn't feel misunderstood or left out. But I can't force new relationships. It's just not the same, and I can't make it be that way.
:(
