Such a melancholy baby...

[sinkwriter]

Really missing bardsmaid tonight.

When you connect with a person really well, and that person becomes one of your best, most wonderful friends, you come to rely on them, their opinions, their insights, their perspective, and so many other things. You trust them wholeheartedly. You enjoy discussing all sorts of things and cherish the conversations.

Without that friendship, I find myself wanting to find a new one, to take the place of that hole in my heart and my life.

But as I try to connect with new people, the thing I realize over and over is... there is no replacement for that friendship. No one can be exactly like Susan.

That is both wonderful (she was unique and therefore special) and devastating (I feel that loss and wonder if I'll ever find anyone else who will 'get' me as a person and be a friend I can trust wholeheartedly and connect with so well). Sometimes I wonder if I will always feel like some black sheep weirdo destined to be alone in life, wandering aimlessly, trying to find kindred souls. And that depresses me, too.

I just miss that camaraderie, that understanding, where I didn't feel misunderstood or left out. But I can't force new relationships. It's just not the same, and I can't make it be that way.

:(

Comments

[dacian-goddess.livejournal.com]

This is the kind of situation where words are just rubbish. ♥ I'm sorry. *hugs*

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

Thank you. ♥ *hugs back gratefully*

[ladymidath.livejournal.com]

Oh hon, I am so sorry, huge warm hugs.

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Warm hugs right back to you.

[wendelah1]

She was a wonderful person. I still can't believe she's gone.

[asia27.livejournal.com]

So very true. Susan was a gem, an incredibly sweet person who I can admit I cherished her friendship. I could write to her and offer an opinion and she always responded. A talented writer who understood her characters and what the actor did and interpreted the character so well. I miss her stories; I miss the contact and I have to agree it won't ever be the same.

But you have to try; you're as talented a writer as she was and if you follow her example, you'll be fine. You're not a 'black sheep weirdo' so please don't feel that way. You are as unique as she was in your own way.