Mixed metaphors, banana pancakes, and birthday wishes

[sinkwriter]

After midnight. My birthday's over.

I've spent the day in a mix of moods.

When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining and the sky was a sweet blue. Puffy fluffy white clouds took their leisurely time, floating and resting and stretching. The air was breezy -- not too hot, not too cool.

A lovely day.

The house was quiet. No one else was home. I got up, had a bit of breakfast, worked out, checked my emails, delighted in kind-hearted messages from marvelous, loving friends, downloaded some songs I'd been wanting, and then ... I sang.

For the first time in weeks, maybe months, I sang out freely, all around the house. And it felt brilliant.

For the first time in a long while, I felt incredibly buoyant, my mood uplifted. I felt positive. I felt hopeful. I felt happy. It was magnificent!


Then I was reminded: the universe has a wicked sense of humor.

I slipped in the shower today.

Gracelessly and completely. Lost all balance -- shoooop -- and quickly landed flat on my ass.

The irony of that was not lost on me. How symbolic of this past year.

I slammed my right elbow against the edge of the tub as I came crashing down. Yes, ouch. Bottles of shampoo and sweet fragrant body wash clattered around me. A slippery bar of soap zipped past my leg.

As I looked up at the spray of warm water cascading down upon me, I could only shake my head and half laugh. This has been my past year.

Heavy swells of troubled emotion -- feeling stressed, anxiety-filled, and lost -- cresting with the occasional swirls of joy and laughter, with frothy irregular bursts of hope and creativity and marvelous music. Me in the midst of it all, riding the wave, rising up and falling down. Surfing an unpredictable tide. I love the water, but it's spitting and foaming everywhere, sucking away my joy; I'm completely disoriented, bruised and aching. I'm reaching, but I have no idea where I am, what I need, or what the hell I'm doing.

I feel this all the way to the deep recesses of my mind.


Case in point:

About a week ago, I had a bizarre dream.

***********

My mother and I walked up a familiar, busy street and into a restaurant we'd never been before. Wanted to check it out, I guess.

We sat and talked. Or rather, she did most of the talking and I tried to listen to what Mom was saying, but it was mainly chitchat and it seemed I had nothing of my own to contribute. In fact, at one point my mom got frustrated with me for my lack of conversation and yelled at me for not saying much. To which I yelled back, "I've been unemployed for almost a year, Mom! I have nothing in my life! What exactly do you think I have to talk about?"

Sure, I realized I could talk about my interests: in writing, or singing, or for specific films, books, music, or television programs. But she didn't ask about those things, and I didn't think she'd be interested. It seemed like a waste of time to her.

So she said nothing, and I said nothing, and we reached for our menus. I thought I'd better make a decision on what I wanted before the waitress came around. Mom picked up her menu and made her choice fairly quickly, but I wasn't ready.

Then I realized... since we'd been seated, no one had come to our table. Just how long had we been sitting there? It felt like hours had gone by.

We waited.

And waited.

And waited...

... but no waiter or waitress came to take our order.

In the meantime, I poured over menu after menu, in search of what I wanted, but nothing looked or sounded right. Nothing stood out to me as something I wanted to eat. I seemed to have plenty of time to choose anyway, because no one came to the table to wait on us.

Customers came and went, some (oddly) sitting down at our table, infringing upon our space, talking loudly, being obnoxious, taking our menus, getting their meals long before us, then leaving.

At one point, even my mom seemed to have left the room and I sat by myself at the table, looking over yet another menu, trying to decide what it was that I wanted. I felt lost.

At very long last, the waitress arrived to take my order, but in that moment what I thought I wanted seemed like it would take far too long to make, which would mean more agonizing waiting. And I wasn't sure I was willing to do that.

As the waitress stood over me, waiting for my answer, I felt her impatience with my indecision. After having all that time ahead of me while the waitress had been absent, now I felt hurried. I poured over the menu, waffling over the (what looked like some sort of) puffy, soufflé-like, baked banana pancake, wanting it but wondering if I should make another choice, contemplating just how long it might take to make it and if I'd be stuck waiting in that restaurant for hours, feeling unsatisfied, rushed, and confused...

As I flipped through the menu's glossy pages, hastily trying to find a second choice, all the while feeling I might really want that banana pancake instead --

I woke up.

***********

This strange, vivid dream seemed to illuminate some of what my brain is trying to sort through at this time in my life: my job situation, the indecision I've been feeling about making the "right" choices, not knowing what to do or which way to go, feeling overwhelmed by the choices (or lack of them, at the moment), feeling lost, feeling stuck, feeling rushed, feeling afraid to go for what I truly want, doubting my choices, questioning myself and what I'm really willing (and able) to go for, agonizing over whether or not I can really have what I want and how long it might take, feeling pushed into making a hasty choice which may not be what I ultimately want or need, wanting certain things in my life but also turning away from them out of uncertainty, fear, and self-doubt...

It certainly isn't about a pancake.

It's about job choices and life choices. Wanting something so badly but also doubting whether I can (or should) have it. Knowing that things take time and I might have to wait a long while in order to get what I want -- that could reference any number of things, from finding the job I want, to personal satisfaction, creative inspiration, and balance in my life, and even love.

Then again, it was early morning when I had this dream. Maybe my body was hungry and simply craved a banana pancake. ;)

All joking aside, this dream does seem to speak to what I'm going through right now, all the waiting and the fitful indecision. I want to scream: I don't KNOW what I want anymore!

At this point, I feel devoid of any strong thought, inkling, or desire, one way or another, and that scares me. I know I can't stay here, on this plateau, I know I must take action, but I don't know where to go next.

Wanting certain things for myself, for my life, but agonizing over how long it's taking to achieve it. Wondering if I truly can. Keeping it always in the back of my mind, knowing I want it, but at the same time talking myself out of it.

Fear, worry, uncertainty, impatience, need, want, preference, choice... the heart of the emotional struggles I've been having about my life.



So here I am, in the late evening of my 36th birthday...

A week ago my dad asked if I was looking forward to it, and I immediately said, "No."

I think he figured it was the number that was troubling me, but honestly, that has never bothered me. I have friends whose ages run the gamut from teenager to 50-something, and they're all brilliant and wonderful. Numbers measure nothing. Age is irrelevant. It's the mind and the energy and the life and the connections that mean something to me.

No, the number 36 is no big deal.

What's troubling me is that I've spent too much time living a life I don't like anymore. Here I am, another year older, and where am I? What am I doing with my life? Why did I take these forks in the road? What brought me here? Where am I supposed to go next? What do I need to do to get there? What is most important to me?

It's as if I'm starting all over.

I'm pouring over that metaphorical menu and I can't figure out what delicious victuals will properly fill my belly. Fulfill my soul. I need that. What I do know for sure is that I don't want to settle for less.

However, the worries won't leave my head. Once I've found those items on the menu, can I even afford them? Am I willing to wait for them, or will they never come that way? Am I wasting my time, sitting there at the table? Should I just go home and make it all myself? What if I do it wrong? What if it's a total disaster? What if it all falls apart?


What if the shower waves come crashing down upon my head?

I'm swept up in the swirl of "what if's" that do me no good. I've lost my bearings, and I'm tired of treading water. I need to find a solid direction and start swimming. I need to take action.

I need that positivity and brilliant freedom from this morning. I need to protect that feeling and harness it. Let its music speak to me and guide me to exactly where I should be.

I need to sing again.

Comments

[lylyan.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine how hard this last year has been for you, how frustrating. I want to tackle people going into WaMu to do their banking and faith heal them into switching to Chase.

My mom always quotes Who Moved My Cheese to us when we feel stuck -- "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" That questions is supposed to--I think--get you excited about the possibilities and propel you forward. It made me anxious instead, having no idea what the answer was; no idea what I really wanted.

I see Capricorns and Virgos as being pragmatically alike, so maybe this will be familiar to you, too. From talking to friends who had a lot more faith in me than I did (yes, you), I discovered that a lot of things I wasn't sure I really wanted were ACTUALLY possibilities I'd already ruled out as "impossible" and therefore I seemed to have pragmatically decided that I didn't "really" want them. Make sense? My practical side sort of talked me out of them because I'd never really ever have them anyway. A sort of proactive sour grapes. When someone else put it in my head that it WAS possible, that I COULD actually have what I wanted... well, imagine that, suddenly I really wanted something. I don't know if that's your dot on the map, but thought I'd mention it after reading your dream. In the end you decided what you really wanted to order would take too long, so you started figuring out your "second choice." I feel like that was the last 10 years or my life. I can't have what I want, so what can I settle for?

So, better than what my mom said was something Anya Saffir, our script analysis teacher said. When she's taken on a project she has NO idea how to handle or what to do with, she asks herself "What would someone who DOES know what to do choose to do in this situation?" For her, it opened up her possibilities and got her thinking creatively instead of trapping herself in the "I can't"/"I don't know how" crap.

FWIW. It just sucks all around that the Universe keeps telling you the same bad joke, expecting you to keep laughing. STOOPID STOOPID STOOPID!!! I wish there was something I could do to help. If there is, I hope you won't hesitate to let me know.

I sure miss singing with you, girlie. Lately especially, I've beeen missing my seesters. :( Final Bella Reunion Tour--until the next final tour?

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine how hard this last year has been for you, how frustrating. I want to tackle people going into WaMu to do their banking and faith heal them into switching to Chase.

*snickers* Is it wrong of me that feel a strong pull to give them the finger when I see their commercials on TV now? *GRIN* I know, I know... I'm terrible.

That quote from your mom does the same thing to me as it does to you -- I felt anxious because, like you, I had (have) no idea what I really and truly want. I have tiny inklings once in a while, but I never know if it's really want I want or just something that I'm clinging to in order to keep stomping on myself for not achieving it (or even trying anymore). Does that make any sense?

...I discovered that a lot of things I wasn't sure I really wanted were ACTUALLY possibilities I'd already ruled out as "impossible" and therefore I seemed to have pragmatically decided that I didn't "really" want them. Make sense?

*nodding emphatically*

Oh yes, abso-friggin'-lutely. I do that all the time. A large part of that is past outside influence (or lack of real support from certain people in my life), and I think that negativity sticks in my brain to this day. Whenever I start to want something really strongly (like singing or writing as a profession), I immediately start to talk myself out of it, like who the hell am I to ever think I can do such a thing? "Impossible" dreams, I tell myself. 'What are you thinking?'

When someone else put it in my head that it WAS possible, that I COULD actually have what I wanted... well, imagine that, suddenly I really wanted something. I don't know if that's your dot on the map, but thought I'd mention it after reading your dream.

Yes, again, absolutely. In fact, late last fall someone popped into my life for a brief time, and told me he thought I must be a professional writer because 'words work for you on page. They flow easily. And I like reading that flow.' I was incredibly surprised and touched. And for a moment, a few moments, I thought, maybe there is something to what I write, maybe I do have what it takes. Why don't I make more of an effort? That would be wonderful!

That other person made it seem possible, and I found hope in his words.

But then... the rest of the year and this new year came along, and everything scattered to the wind, and I haven't been able to get that feeling back again. I sucked in all sorts of self-doubt that I thought had long past, and I haven't been able to rid myself of it since.

:P


In the end you decided what you really wanted to order would take too long, so you started figuring out your "second choice." I feel like that was the last 10 years or my life. I can't have what I want, so what can I settle for?

Isn't that horrible?? I noticed it immediately too, as I wrote out the dream. I thought, wow, look at that, I didn't even stop to consider that metaphorical banana pancake as a true option; I just immediately started looking for something else. Even when I knew I really didn't want anything else. *sigh*

And it's really a terrible way to think about things. We shouldn't settle for anything. Why should we go for a second choice when we haven't even given our true first choice a real 'go' yet? You know what I mean?

That's why you've been such an inspiration to me, Brenda. This past year, just look at what you've accomplished! That's fantastic! You are fantastic!

I love your script analysis teacher's quote too. It does stir up the brain, though of course I probably need to work at applying that to my life. A big challenge, rewriting those well-ingrained negative thoughts.

Thanks for the encouragement and the offer of help. I'll let you know.

:)

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

P.S. When am I gonna get to read your script??? After our previous discussion and after reading all your fascinating excerpts about your NY adventures, I'm dying to see what stage it's at now! Have you been doing rewrites on it since you returned with your colleagues' feedback (after their read-through)? I imagine hearing it out loud helped you enormously to feel the flow of your words, what works, what doesn't, all that good stuff.

P.S. again. You, me, Sonnett, and the Lennon sisters -- we need a reunion! *GRIN* A little evening sing-a-long huddle. That would be so fun. I miss singing with you guys more than I miss the faire. ;)

[ladymidath.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it can be so easy to get caught up in the swirl of what ifs. It was happening to me until I said, to hell with it, time to start living again. I hope that you find that direction, that positivity. I am sure that you will sing again and that song will be filled with beauty and joy.
::hugs::

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for those magnificent words of encouragement, dearest Lady. I take it close to my heart.

*hugs you back*

[ladymidath.livejournal.com]

I am so happy to hear that. ::hugs back::

[krazykitkat.livejournal.com]

Belated Happy Birthday.

Yes, sing again. A lovely thought.

I wish all good things for you.

I understand the what ifs and not knowing what direction to go. I've just been supremely lucky that I have wonderful family support. I wish there were easy answers.

There's a poem I found in an autobiography when I was pretty deep in the bad place, I've got it on my door here, and I try to read it regularly.

After A While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

Darling Kat, thank you for the birthday wishes and the beautiful poem. The words are remarkable. I connected with a lot of it. *hugs you for stopping by and being so supportive*

P.S. I love your Kate Hepburn user pic. She's gorgeous.

:D

[pinktealeaves.livejournal.com]

It's not like we're the best friends or that I think I know you like no one does, but I really appreciate everyone in my friend list, and I really hope you feel better soon. And if there's anything I can do, just let me know.

Once someone told me: 'complete happiness... there's no such thing, the real thing is to be happy with the things you have'. It's not that I have the ideal life, believe me it's not, but I try to apply that to my everyday.

*hugs you*

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

It doesn't matter -- I'm just so pleased that you came by with your kind words and virtual hugs.

:D

I appreciate it so much, sweetie!

(And your Bones user pic made me smile. Hee.)

Thanks for the love. I'm sending it back to you!

[late-heart.livejournal.com]

Answers to your deepest questions from SwamiramaAnnieBananaHoldthePancake:

Once I've found those items on the menu, can I even afford them? If you are meant to find them you will find a way to pay.

Am I willing to wait for them, or will they never come that way? Dreams aren't like busses -- there's no schedule. And if you've got your head buried in your purse looking for a schedule, you're guaranteed to miss the bus. Except that dreams are not busses.

Am I wasting my time, sitting there at the table? Why stand when you can sit?

Should I just go home and make it all myself? Never order anything in life's restaurant that you know you can make the way you like it. Same goes for real restaurants. (This is why I never order lasagna.)

What if I do it wrong? Bett to do it wrong than not at all. At least you'll have a benchmark.

What if it's a total disaster? What if it's not?

What if it all falls apart? Carly Simon lied: there isn't more room in a broken heart. Einstein didn't lie though, when he said that his greatest successes were failures. I'm not sure which Einstien I'm quoting here, by the way.

SwamiramaAnnieBananaHoldthePancake wishes you good fortune and the ability to have multiple orgasms well into your 90s. Namaste. ♥

p.s. j'adore.

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

SwamiramaAnnieBananaHoldthePancake:

heheheheeeeee

Wait a minute. Hold the pancake? But ... why??

*GRIN*

I feel like my head's been buried in my purse all year. *wry smile*

Thank you for the gentle nudges. And thank you very much for the wishes of good fortune and multiple orgasms. *laughing uproariously* There's really nothing to say to that except: Right on! Absolutely!

(hee hee)

Namaste.

*hugs you hugs you*

Thanks for the laughs and the words of wisdom. I appreciate it more than I can say. Much adoration back to you!

xoxoo

[fire-mare.livejournal.com]

The first thing I need to ask - are you ok after your spill in the shower?? Second, what a beautiful description of you going one way, and the soap going another. As a fellow writer, I appreciate these things (provided you weren't hurt, that is).

What a deep, thought-provoking dream. I understand what it means to be at a crossroads, and not knowing if your decisions are the right ones. I've felt that way for various reasons over the past few years. In fact, your dream reminded me of one I had myself a few years back (mine involved going through wrong doors, and the chaos that ensued. I didn't need to be Freud to figure THAT out :)Its hard for me, because I very much want to do the right thing. And I know that worrying keeps me from make a decision, and then it all snowballs from there.

I have a magnet on my fridge that I see every day, and its words have become a personal mantra. Its says "Courage does not always Roar. Sometimes Courage is the quiet voice saying 'I will try Again Tomorrow.'"

I've found for me, sometimes the act of keeping at it, at keep trying, is almost a decision in itself. And its one that I can feel good about. It makes me feel like I'm in command of my own destiny.I seem to be full of quotes today, but another one comes to mind (I can't help it - I'm a collector of quot-ables). I remember reading somewhere "When you stand on the abyss, faith is knowing one of two things: Someone will be there to catch you, or you will be taught how to fly."

I know you can fly, m'girl. And keep singing :)

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

The first thing I need to ask - are you ok after your spill in the shower??

Yes, and thank you very much for asking. *hugs you* Just a bruised elbow and some soreness in the muscles around my right shoulder blade (probably from when I hit my elbow on that arm... 's all connected!). But it's already much better today, so all's well. Thank goodness. When I told my aunt that I'd slipped in the shower, she said, that's just great, all I need is to come home for lunch and find you unconscious in the tub. *GRIN* Thankfully, it did not turn out that way.

Second, what a beautiful description of you going one way, and the soap going another. As a fellow writer, I appreciate these things...

Thank you! I sincerely appreciate hearing that from you, Fellow Writer. (Speaking of which, when am I gonna get to READ any of your stuff? It's been at least a year! Have you typed it up yet? LOL.)

P.S. I added that soap bit later, because I felt that section needed something other than "I slipped and fell on my ass." *GRIN* So I thought back to the moment of impact and remembered all the things clattering and the soap moving by. Hee. Traumatic reliving, I tell you. ;)

Thanks for sharing your (totally understandable) dream with me. And all the wonderful quotes! You know you never have to apologize for quoting quotes with me. In fact, I'd love to have a magnet like the one you mentioned. What a great thing to see and read every day.


I remember reading somewhere "When you stand on the abyss, faith is knowing one of two things: Someone will be there to catch you, or you will be taught how to fly."

That's so beautiful, it makes me want to cry.

*gives you a big hug*

Thank you for your encouragment and love. :)

P.S. So happy to see you using that hilarious Josh user pic. It's perfect. Now I just need to get myself a Toby one. heeheheee

[lifeasanamazon.livejournal.com]

You are amazingly resilient. I can't imagine how tough things have been for you, yet you still try to support others.

You deserve many, many good things and I hope this happens soon.

*hugs*

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

*smooches you repeatedly*

I fall on my ass, and I get right back up again!

Well... after taking a moment. LOL.

Your words are wonderfully kind, and I adore you to pieces for coming by to say them. Thank you so much, Angie.

*loves you muchly*

P.S. Your user pic is pretty, yet contemplative. :)

[callieach.livejournal.com]

I admire the way you talk so freely about your fears and concerns. Also, as an individual rather fond of literature, I had a few moments of wondering, while reading this, why you aren't a published writer. Your descriptions of the aforementioned concerns, et cetera, are brilliant in a way many people cannot be.

Before I forget, you didn't hurt yourself with that fall, did you? Because that would make your birthday exponentially worse.

And, yes, ma cherie, you do need to sing again. ♥♥

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

I admire the way you talk so freely about your fears and concerns.

Either that, or I'm totally insanely stupid for putting them out there like this. *GRIN* I almost put a lock on this post, but then I thought, oh hell, it's not like it's giving away my phone number! It's simply how I feel. The end. Anyone who tries to take a piece of me, I'll kick their asses. heeheheee

Also, as an individual rather fond of literature, I had a few moments of wondering, while reading this, why you aren't a published writer. Your descriptions of the aforementioned concerns, et cetera, are brilliant in a way many people cannot be.

Oh Callie, thank you for saying that. That is incredibly kind. *hugs you* I confess it's something I'd like to be. Now if I could just get my head out of the quicksand that's currently sucking the life out of me and drowning my creativity, maybe I could start taking stronger measures to be just that.

Before I forget, you didn't hurt yourself with that fall, did you? Because that would make your birthday exponentially worse.

*laughing hard* You got that right. hee. And thank you for asking. No, thank goodness, I wasn't seriously hurt. Just a bruise on my elbow and some soreness in the muscles around my right shoulder blade for a day or so. But it's good now.

And, yes, ma cherie, you do need to sing again.

I did today! Just a small handful of songs, but it was actually quite fun. I was able to hold out some notes and phrases that I haven't in a while, which invigorated me. *bounces happily* Just keeps reminding me how much I need to keep doing that on a regular basis. It really does fill me somehow.

By the way, you inspire me in that regard. Your vivacious video postings (of you singing) and the way you talk so enthusiastically about musicals make me laugh gleefully and yearn for vocal performance in my own life. You rock the house, sweetie.

:D

P.S. I just saw that episode of DW, when Jack kisses Rose and says what's printed on your user pic. Watched it yesterday. Now I really want to see it from the beginning of season one. Thank you for inspiring me in that regard, too.

P.S. again. I decided to buy myself a present for my birthday. Yesterday, I picked up a copy of DW season two (hey, I know I'm starting out of order, but I wanted David Tennant on DVD... he's delicious!). Eventually I'll go back and get season one; I do want to see more of it, especially after I saw that wonderful season-ender episode (Parting Ways?). Christopher Eccleston was really sweet, and Captain Jack's hot. I love how he kissed Rose and the Doctor. That was ... ROWR. *BIG GRIN*

See? You're a bad influence on me. I love it.

:D

[callieach.livejournal.com]

Either that, or I'm totally insanely stupid for putting them out there like this.

Haha. I'm inclined to go with the brave notion than insanely stupid.

I'm glad to hear you weren't seriously hurt by your fall. Well, other than your morale for the day, of course.

If necessary, I will start sending you weekly (I would say daily, but my life's about to get hectic) reminders to sing. The fact that you see how much good it does a person makes us kindered spirits, and that means we have to look out for each other.

Also, I am completely flattered that I inspire you. That's one thing I've decided I want from my future - to be inspiring. I look at actors and actresses (especially in theatre) and I see that they have a passion for what they do, and that encourages me to strive for that level of fulfillment in my life. If I ever become successful, it will be because I did for someone what the actresses I met in New York in March did for me. (Oh, and you'll be interested to hear that I plan on taking part on numerous concerts, etc. between now and Christmas, most of which I will surely post footage from. I plan on being fabulous this upcoming year.)

P.S. Oooo, I also love being a bad influence on people, especially in regards to fandom. *grins* I love Captain Jack on DW. He's a much different character on Torchwood, but, especially in the first season, with his non-stop flirting with both Rose and the Christopher Eccleston's Doctor (who seemed to like him much more than David's Doctor does) and his title of "Captain of the Innuendo Squad", he's one of my favourite characters, quirks-wise. Also, umm, yes, the bit in "Parting of the Ways" where Jack kisses Rose, then the Doctor is simply fantastic.

I'm very interested to read your reactions as you watch the season (hint, hint), since I know that I, personally, spent most of it adjusting to David Tennant. The Ninth Doctor grew on me within a few minutes, but I didn't really like the Tenth until... well, probably "Doomsday", an episode which will probably shatter your heart. Also, in season two, there is a littttttle bit of Donna Noble. Right at the end. When nothing really matters because those characters you love have broken hearts, now.

♥

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

Tee hee. In that case, I'll take that 'brave notion' compliment. Far better than 'insanely stupid.'

If necessary, I will start sending you weekly (I would say daily, but my life's about to get hectic) reminders to sing.

Oh my gosh, yes, daily would be too much. You're about to become crazy busy! Don't let my stuff become an added pressure in your life. That would be terrible.

But if you are so inclined, no schedule necessary, whenever the thought happens to pop into your head, a reminder would be very cool. I'd certainly be amused and grateful for the nudge.

:)


The fact that you see how much good it does a person makes us kindered spirits, and that means we have to look out for each other.

*nodding vigorously* Agreed, agreed!

I like how you word that. It's a lovely and supportive and comforting thought, for sure. :)

And don't forget, that goes both ways. Let me know if you need some encouragement as you make your way through this year. Or some good song lyrics. Or a duet partner. You know, if I actually lived in Canada and could hop on over for a visit. *GRIN*

I think you'll be a marvelous influence on people, with your great passion for music and performance and doing it well. And I think it's so cool that you found inspiration from the actors and actresses you met in NY. Isn't it amazing how that happens? Sometimes just seeing a show and the level of what people can accomplish inspires me to pieces.

I plan on being fabulous this upcoming year.

heeheeheeeeee

Sweetie, you are fabulous ALWAYS.

But big yay for the taking part in many concerts -- break a leg, D! WHOO! Can't wait to hear all about them.

*cutting here because I'm about to ramble on about DW and TW, so it needs its own post, LOL* Stay tuned for Part II of my reply!

[callieach.livejournal.com]

But if you are so inclined, no schedule necessary, whenever the thought happens to pop into your head, a reminder would be very cool. I'd certainly be amused and grateful for the nudge.

Consider it done. :) (You wouldn't happen to have an e-mail address I could use to get creative with my reminders, would you? I understand if you don't want to give it to me, of course.)

And don't forget, that goes both ways. Let me know if you need some encouragement as you make your way through this year. Or some good song lyrics. Or a duet partner.

I'll keep you in the loop with my slumming, because there's sure to be much of it. (Though hopefully less than other years, when I wanted to be a scientist and was failing science.)

And I think it's so cool that you found inspiration from the actors and actresses you met in NY. Isn't it amazing how that happens? Sometimes just seeing a show and the level of what people can accomplish inspires me to pieces.

Gack. I still remember how I felt the night I saw Wicked. I was, quite literally, hysterical by the end of the show. Crying and laughing and telling Elaine she was the best teacher ever and then, oh, and then we got to the stage door. When these people I'd just saw give amazing performances came out and signed my Playbill and let us get pictures with them, I was compeletely flabberghasted. I babbled and said ridiculously dorky things and practically bounced with adrenaline. What really sealed the deal for me was chatting with Stephanie J. Block, who, not too long earlier, had been green and singing and everything else. She was so honestly nice and happy to be complemented on her performance that I couldn't help but envy her. To make people that happy? To sing songs you adore that fit your voice like a glove eight times a week, then happily great the crowd waiting outside for you? I could do that, if I tried hard enough. I was determined. I still am.

Sorry to get rambling there, but I get started talking sometimes and I just can't stop. *blushes*

♥ You make a wonderful commenting partner, for the record.

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

And now for the DW portion of my reply... Fantastic.

;)

Please, carry on...


I love Captain Jack on DW. He's a much different character on Torchwood, but, especially in the first season, with his non-stop flirting with both Rose and the Christopher Eccleston's Doctor (who seemed to like him much more than David's Doctor does)...

Because I purchased the second season of DW this week, I downloaded the final two episodes of the first season in order to get a segueway into the David Tennant series. But I found I did enjoy Christopher Eccleston's take on the Doctor (from what little I saw of him).

At the very least, he made me want to go back and see the entire first season, so that I could see what else he put into the character and what he and Rose went through that season, what brought them to the fascinating "Parting of the Ways" episode. And I really want to see the introduction of Captain Jack and how he fits into everything. I liked his behavior; it amused me. At one point, I found myself laughing, and muttering, very amused: "Geez, Jack. For you, it's anyone with a pulse!" hahahahaa The guy seems to flirt with everybody. That cracked me up.

Where does the Torchwood series start, in relation to the DW series? Does it pick up from where DW season 1 ends, where the Doctor left him, or later down the road, or ...? Why is he a much different character on Torchwood? Is it just that they added more to him and the development of his character in his own series, or did they decide to take him in a different direction, make him more serious or something, or ...?

His title is "Captain of the Innuendo Squad"? *laughs hard* How appropriate (from what I've seen). Hilarious.

I'm very interested to read your reactions as you watch the season (hint, hint)...

*GRIN* Is that your subtle way of saying I should write about it on my LJ?

;)

*considers the possibility*

Perhaps I shall! That might be fun. And I'd love to hear your thoughts in return.

I think I'll have to check out that ihearttvshows site you listed, so I can watch the first season, well, first, and work my way through the series in appropriate linear fashion. That way my comments won't be all over the place. (Unlike how I've been watching DW thus far. Episodes here and there, all over the place, as sporadic episodes aired on BBC America, Sci-Fi channel, or PBS. I really would like to watch it start to finish now. It will probably be less confusing.)

... since I know that I, personally, spent most of it adjusting to David Tennant.

I probably won't have the exact same adjustment period as you, because when I first saw DW, it was with David Tennant as the Doctor. I imagine when I go back and watch the first season at long last, it's Christopher that I'll probably have to adjust to, as I've become so used to David's take on the character.

But I did watch "Parting of the Ways" and the episode before it (I want to say it was called "Bad Wolf"... hey, I'm still learning these titles! LOL), and I liked what I saw of Eccleston's Doctor, so I think I'll likely find something I enjoy in both actors. I look forward to comparing and contrasting their styles.

I can't wait to see it all! :D

[callieach.livejournal.com]

I love that you have so much to say about DW that it deserves it's own comment.

In my opinion Christopher Eccleston and Billie Piper have much more chemistry that she does with David Tennant. With 9 and Rose, they are very much best friends. It's implied there could be something more, but that's all: implication. With 10 and Rose, their chemistry seems too sexual to be that of a Time Lord and his companion, especially compared to what I've seen of other companions and their interaction with the Doctor.

Jack's entrance into Doctor Who is brilliant. He's suave and kniving and flirts with not just everyone, but everything. He's from the 51st century, where, apparently, this is perfectly normal.

Where does the Torchwood series start, in relation to the DW series?

Well, it's the next time the audience sees Jack. What's happened is, after the Doctor abandons him, Jack transports himself to 19th century Cardiff. As you'll learn if you get to the second season of Torchwood, Jack hung around Wales for quite some time, doing not much else but not dying, and then he began to do freelance work for Torchwood: Cardiff (or, Torchwood Three). After some time, he becomes head of the operation and compiles the team we see in Torchwood, including Ianto Jones, a former employee of Torchwood: London, displaced due to the events of the Doctor Who season two finale. So I guess TW technically takes place there. TW S1 and DW S3 run sort of parallel to each other, with Jack joining back up with the Doctor and Martha Jones for the last three episodes of S3, post-TW S1. Then he goes back to TW, half of his team dies, and he leaves the other half to be exterminated while he joins back up with the Doctor, Donna, Rose, Martha, Sarah Jane, et cetera, to save the universes.

And there's your brief history of Jack Harkness (which isn't actually his name, but that's how we know him), minus a lot of sex and flirting.

Why is he a much different character on Torchwood? Is it just that they added more to him and the development of his character in his own series, or did they decide to take him in a different direction, make him more serious or something, or ...?

He's much less fun on TW (save for a few episodes when Martha comes to visit and they joke around a lot). When the character was first introduced, he was pretty plastic. And pretty pretty. That was his role: to flirt with things, annoy the Doctor a bit, and look dashing doing it. But after the great response he got, they created this spinoff series for him, which meant that he would have to be a fully-fleshed out character. Sure, he still flirts with things around the Hub, but John Barrowman isn't a good enoug actor to pull of a brooding team leader, so it just comes out wrong.

By the time I started watcing DW, I'd already made it through the first season of TW and was completely in love with the characters (especially Owen, who is a bit like Bones' Jack Hodgins, with a little bit more of a sex drive; I hope you like him if/when you get to the show), so I had no idea that I would positively LOVE Jack on DW. If it had been the other way around, I'm not sure I would've stuck with TW as devotedly as I have.

Rest assured that if you made posts about your DW-watching expiriences, I would be around to comment on them (possibly incoherently if I happened to be very excited).

While some of Doctor Who is perfectly acceptable out-of-order, I think that, in order to get properly attached to the Doctor and his companions, it's best to watch in order.

If you're interested, I could make you a Tenth Doctor userpic. Just let me know what you want and I'll cobble together a few possibilities for you. :)

[sinkwriter.livejournal.com]

P.S. Your 'you can hug me if you want' user pic cracked me up. Oh, how I adore Donna. *heart breaking all over again for what happened to her*

[callieach.livejournal.com]

Haha. There was so much awesome in those two episodes. Especially between Jack and Donna. Did you see "The Stolen Earth"? There's a part where former Prime Minister Harriet Jones has set up a video connection with the TARDIS, the Hub, Sarah Jane Smith, and Martha Jones to discuss the Earth's impending doom. Everyone's saying their hellos and Donna points to Jack and asks, "Who's that?" The Doctor gives her a look and says "Don't. Just... don't." Jack's sexual prowess works even when he's not trying; it's hilarious!