Clawing my way out of hell
Mar. 26th, 2008 11:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sinkwriterI just read a Yahoo!Hotjobs article, and promptly burst into tears.
Written by a woman named Dr. Debra Davenport, the article was entitled "How To Decide If You Need A Career Change." What struck me most was this particular section --
You know you’re in the wrong career if:
It is strictly a means to put food on the table.
It’s just some job you took 10 years ago because, at the time, it was the only one you could find.
Your parents are proud, but you’re bored to tears.
Your job makes you unhappy, damages your self-esteem, compromises your values, or undermines your integrity.
You live for the weekend.
Each item on that list applied to me.
I actually don't have that job anymore because the workers from my office building were all laid off before the holidays. As you can imagine, my colleagues and I were devastated (not to mention, furious, given the amount of time and effort we'd all put in to that place). We'd been miserable, overworked and unappreciated. "Cost-cutting" measure or not, the layoff was the final slap in the face.
While I shared my coworkers' frustrations and fears, to me the layoff was also the universe's way of saying, "Sherry, this is your chance. Get the hell out of that wretched place and start fresh. Have a job that means something to you!"
But reading that article shoved me into the proverbial deer-in-headlights position. I weep for all the time I've wasted, giving all my hard work and dedication and loyalty to a job that sucked the life out of me when I could have spent all that time learning and growing and improving my skills doing something I loved. I weep because I'm so angry with myself for staying too long and not pulling my head out of my ass. I weep because I'm scared and I'm running out of time and money. I weep because that sense of urgency invokes terror... of making a hurried choice in an effort to survive and make ends meet, potentially resulting in yet another job that pulls me back to that article's horrid list.
The problem with articles like that one is how the information provided within is so generalized. What I need is a solid action plan. I need to point myself in the right direction and start taking actual, positive, strong steps to get there.
I don't mind taking a pay cut and working hard if it means finally doing what makes me happy. I'm ready to take that on. I want to make smart, sound choices this time. Take positive steps forward in a new direction, the right direction. I just don't know how yet.
I'm so f---ing exhausted.
Written by a woman named Dr. Debra Davenport, the article was entitled "How To Decide If You Need A Career Change." What struck me most was this particular section --
You know you’re in the wrong career if:
Each item on that list applied to me.
I actually don't have that job anymore because the workers from my office building were all laid off before the holidays. As you can imagine, my colleagues and I were devastated (not to mention, furious, given the amount of time and effort we'd all put in to that place). We'd been miserable, overworked and unappreciated. "Cost-cutting" measure or not, the layoff was the final slap in the face.
While I shared my coworkers' frustrations and fears, to me the layoff was also the universe's way of saying, "Sherry, this is your chance. Get the hell out of that wretched place and start fresh. Have a job that means something to you!"
But reading that article shoved me into the proverbial deer-in-headlights position. I weep for all the time I've wasted, giving all my hard work and dedication and loyalty to a job that sucked the life out of me when I could have spent all that time learning and growing and improving my skills doing something I loved. I weep because I'm so angry with myself for staying too long and not pulling my head out of my ass. I weep because I'm scared and I'm running out of time and money. I weep because that sense of urgency invokes terror... of making a hurried choice in an effort to survive and make ends meet, potentially resulting in yet another job that pulls me back to that article's horrid list.
The problem with articles like that one is how the information provided within is so generalized. What I need is a solid action plan. I need to point myself in the right direction and start taking actual, positive, strong steps to get there.
I don't mind taking a pay cut and working hard if it means finally doing what makes me happy. I'm ready to take that on. I want to make smart, sound choices this time. Take positive steps forward in a new direction, the right direction. I just don't know how yet.
I'm so f---ing exhausted.
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no subject
Date: 2008-03-26 05:37 pm (UTC)I totally understand how you are feeling ... well, not with the crappy job-laying off, but with being unemployed, and afraid to run out of money. In my case, I left my job, so it was really my doing. But I felt that if I stayed any longer I would do something bad that I'd regret for years to come, so I had to. Too bad the "good people" at Unemployment Insurance didn't understand it that way :( I assume you are receiving some type of assistance now, though? And hopefully it's helping to give you money, and time to decide on another career choice?
I agree completely, too, with your desire to have someone, somewhere TELL you what steps to take. I looked into a bunch of "career focused" agencies here, but most of them (at least government run) were for "youths", and I just passed that stage. So that was distressing. I eventually went with a "hiring agency", which was awful because I was doing very stressful and difficult work for a big company, and being paid peanuts to do it (well, not literally ... but the hiring agency was taking about $2/hr themselves, pay which SHOULD have been mine. And this is LEGAL!). I almost wish the government would fund more tests and surveys for ADULTS, to see what we want to be doing, and where our focus is. I did such a survey (just a generalized booklet with questions that you "rated" your answers to), and it told me I'd make a great florist, professional gardener, or farmer. Interesting, but not really within my salary range at the time.
Good luck on your search, and trust that when you get something, it will be for the better and lead you to the place where you're meant to be.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-26 06:18 pm (UTC)It's like I just need a direct course of action, something to get me pointed in the right direction, but I don't know what the F%$# I'm doing, and as you point out so smartly, most tests and surveys are so generalized, they aren't much help.
Man, I have such a headache today!